Couchsurfing: People Are More Memorable Than Places
Perhaps the most shocking number from traveling 13 months around the world for less than $15,500 is how much I paid for accommodations.
Everyone knows that hotels eat up a sizable chunk of your travel expenses, but $2679 spent on accommodations for 13 months only averages out to $6.73/day or slightly over $200/month. Girl math says I’m saving big money by traveling full-time instead of living in Canada 🤔
My secret is Couchsurfing.
This is a platform that connects travelers with hosts who can offer a place to stay in their home for free. The app/website began charging a modest subscription fee (around $25/year for Canadians) during the pandemic, but the actual hosts never charge money.
I casually mentioned to my host in Muscat that I hoped to see the desert in Oman before my visa expired. He quickly recruited a friend who leads desert rallies with specially-modified vehicles that can climb massive sand dunes and put out an open call to all Couchsurfers in Oman to join our weekend camping expedition, equipment and food provided! Unbelievably generous and one of the top highlights of my trip around the world 💖
When I explain Couchsurfing to someone for the first time, their gut response is usually one of two questions:
Why would anyone host others for free?
Is it safe?
There are numerous platforms that offer travelers free stays in exchange for something other than money. Some common examples involve home-swapping, pet-sitting, or workaways. I’ve even seen people use dating apps to successfully “score” a free night. These all make sense intuitively in our capitalist society because some form of labor is being traded.
The hardest places to find a Couchsurfing host are big cities that everyone wants to visit. Statistically there are more hosts in a populated place, but they’re flooded with new messages every day because there’s even more travelers. Crafting a highly-personalized request can help you stand out, but I still never got a reply in Paris or New York City.
Couchsurfing doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to help someone take care of their house or look after their pet. You might reciprocate by hosting that person in the future but there’s zero obligation. You might even never host anyone despite banking hundreds of free stays. And it’s definitely not a dating app!
So why would anyone host others for free? If you’re still stumped, then try thinking about what people value beyond money or paid services.
Humans crave connection.
The primary purpose of Couchsurfing is for cultural exchange and making friends. The “free accommodation” part is just a side perk.
Think of it like this: If your friend who lives in another city told you they were planning to visit, wouldn’t you offer them a place to stay in your home? Assuming you have at least a spare couch or makeshift bed.
Hong Kong has the most expensive housing in the world. This picture captures roughly half of my hosts’ entire studio apartment, where the kitchen and bathroom are behind me. The couple sleeps on the couch shown on the right which folds into a bed, while I was granted just enough privacy and comfort on a small mattress spanning the width of their closet floor to the left. This was a brilliant setup maximizing their small space.
Now imagine if you had a list of travelers coming to your city. You peruse a few profiles and suddenly one catches your eye. Maybe you have the same hobbies, same philosophies about life, or they’ve been to your dream destination and you want to hear their firsthand experience.
Hosting is now secondary to your main goal of getting to know someone new, someone you can learn something from, that sparks a connection and maybe even lifelong friendship.
That’s the true spirit of Couchsurfing.
I have been actively involved in the Couchsurfing community as a host, traveler, and joining meetups with members around the world since 2018.
The Couchsurfing community used to be bigger before the pandemic and subscription fees. Everyday you could turn on the “Hangouts” feature, find like-minded users nearby, and by the end of the day the group might snowball to 10 or more people. On Christmas Day 2019 in Mexico City, 12 of us spontaneously coordinated a day trip to the pyramids of Teotihuacan. Later one of the locals in that group invited us on a boat tour she leads in Xochimilco, filling up extra seats to party with her Airbnb Experience guests!
As for the second question on everyone’s mind: Is it safe?
The short answer is no, travel is inherently risky. Meeting new people is less comfortable than interacting with someone familiar. Entering a stranger’s home in a new country where you don’t know anyone and perhaps don’t speak the local language is the ultimate form of trust.
This isn’t hypothetical; we all have horror stories. Swapping horror stories with fellow Couchsurfers is as much small talk as asking someone where they’re from.
My first three times Couchsurfing abroad are cataloged under horror stories. These days when probed I have dozens to choose from: there’s dick pic guy, hermit yelling guy, Asian-fetish sugar daddy, business guy who behaved exactly like my toxic boss, and so on. But my fourth Couchsurfing attempt— road-tripping around Kauai, Hawaii with 3 strangers-turned-friends was so magical and life-affirming that it ignited my addiction despite the potential for things to go wrong.
Nobody is going to tell you that Couchsurfing is completely safe, but the same can be said of anything in life. It all comes down to risk management.
On the Couchsurfing app, trust is established through reputation in the form of references written by other members who have interacted with you.
One negative reference can ruin your entire account, but there is a lot of nuance and reading between the lines even on positive references that newbies have a hard time picking up on.
My oversimplified advice is just to trust your gut (except around Kyoto, Japan, where an innocent phrase like “That’s a nice watch” actually means “Get the fuck out of my house”).
I stayed with a young family in Kobe, Japan who had a talented 5-year-old that could speak English and Arabic. They started Couchsurfing for their daughter’s sake even though the parents could only communicate with me through Google Translate. Our time together was sweet and nothing out of the ordinary. We parted ways with hugs and they even got me a little souvenir. So I was totally blindsided the next day when the mom slapped me with an angry negative reference filled with false claims. Later I explained this strange experience to other Japanese Couchsurfers and they just laughed. They were not surprised at all, because this style of two-faced communication is (according to them, begrudgingly) an integral part of Japan’s culture, and especially prevalent in people from Kyoto, where the mom happens to be from.
If you’re uncomfortable taking risks or trusting new people, then Couchsurfing will feel very stressful and dangerous. Better to have an experienced friend show you the ropes first.
You might think that Couchsurfing is only really dangerous for women, but even men can face unwanted sexual attention. I shared a room with a male Couchsurfer in Muscat, Oman who expressed that this was his first “normal” Couchsurfing experience. Most people would have quit after the first or second time getting molested. We held an intervention to rewrite his profile and point out all the red flags in the hosts he previously chose. Tip #1: Do not unwittingly start your profile with “I’m an open-minded guy” 🤣
If your personality tends to be intensely organized, or you simply cannot tolerate a messy house or minor discomforts like sharing a bathroom, then Couchsurfing will only create logistical headaches and frustration. Being flexible with your expectations is necessary when another person becomes involved in your plans.
You wouldn’t stay at a friend’s house and just completely ignore them to do your own thing, right?
My host in Kaohsiung, Taiwan was practically running a hostel in his 3-bedroom apartment. He accepted everyone, so I saw different people sleeping in his living room and even the kitchen floor every day. The vibes were chaotic, messy and awesome but hard part was trying to slip into the single bathroom we all shared. A year after returning home, I’ve hosted 2 Couchsurfers who stayed with this same host in Kaohsiung! He’s a legend 😎
Unfortunately it is usually the men you need to worry about. If you have ulterior motives like getting a foreign girlfriend but find girls on conventional dating apps to be too boring (true story), please stop polluting the Couchsurfing community. Nobody wants to add another horror story to their trauma collection.
This guy would make excuses to hold my hand, deliberately sneak a peak while I’m changing on the beach, and act all snuggly on the back of a motorbike. He was designing travel itineraries for the mass influx of Russian expats in Phuket, Thailand escaping the Russia-Ukraine war, so together we mapped out lesser known trails, beaches and animal sanctuaries. As someone who finds fulfillment in taking the road less traveled, our goals were actually very aligned and he was genuinely a fun travel companion and conversationalist, aside from the flirting. I felt safe enough to confront his behavior but it didn’t faze him at all. He already had the next girl lined up.
Everyone likes to ask about my favorite country and I usually answer from a tourist’s perspective so I can recommend the same things for them to see or do. But my “favorite countries” don’t match my favorite, most memorable experiences. Those are ephemeral, personal, far more important to me and can never be replicated. They’re the people who showed kindness to this random stranger and briefly invited her into their lives to share a moment of mutual understanding and vulnerability.
Thank you, I’ll never forget ❤️
People are always more memorable than places whether it’s good or bad. Even if there is some famous landmark I want to rush off to see, I remind myself that I can always come back and have that same touristic experience, but I’ll never be able to repeat the one in front of me, together with these beautiful people, creating memories doing something I never expected or even knew existed.
If you’re still here, undeterred by the what-ifs but optimistic about humanity, then Couchsurfing might be the perfect way to do it all. You’ll have the time of your life, discover the most unexpected places, and feel a true sense of connection to the world.
Oh yeah and save a lot of money too.
